Home and back again

The most alive person I have ever known is the only way I know how to describe my Grandmother “Dar” who died February 18th. I got on a plane a couple days before she died to say goodbye and hold her hand. I needed to be in Fresno with my family and to be with her just a little longer.

I knew for the last few months or year really, it was her time to go be with all her people on the other side. She ran the race and deserved to finally be at peace. But, once I saw her all I could think was, “Can we just watch Sound of Music one more time?” or “How about a glass of Chardonnay in Santa Cruz?”, or “Dar, can you come look at my golf swing and let me know why I am hitting it too far right?” - those among many other “Just one mores” But I had a lifetime of those moments with her and now I have to wait a lifetime to have some more.

She died and finally is home again. I take peace and comfort in that. The week after we all said our final goodbye, I spent time with family and friends, loving every minute. Coming from New York, Fresno felt like spring. I met my niece, Elliana, who is the most beautiful baby girl I have ever seen, besides my other neice Jamie of course. The almond trees were in bloom and finally I saw some color for the first time this year.

I miss Dar and my uncle, Duffy who died within about 8 months of each other, but they say those who die are closer to us than they ever were on earth and that hope is helpful. Being back in New York feels right. Soon it will be spring here and the city will be covered in its own unique color. I am going after what I want with determination and confidence and most importantly striving to look up.